On Feeling Stagnant

For those of you who don't know my story.  I am a married mommy, therapist, and graduate student who moved from the comforts of a familiar, predictable, and reliable life in Lubbock, TX, to the suburbs of Austin, TX.  I have had to meet new people, fulfill this new role as a mother, reinvent my role as a partner, and be ok with not being as self-sufficient as I have been since the age of 14.  The last has been the toughest on me.  "I-N-D-E-P-E-N-T-E-N-T. Do you know what that mean?" There is a rap out there that was all about me...Webbie sang it well. How humbling it is to ask for help. But how awesome and empowering it has been for our relationship. This statement is taken from hindsight, of course. 

So getting to the point...I still place A LOT of self worth on my ability to provide for myself and my family.  I started looking in to employment again, and have struggled with reaching out and finding anything that suits what I feel is worth my time away from my super-amazing-nugget of love, son, Nolan.  I have contemplated starting my own business off and on, and have talked myself back into the predictability of a paycheck.  Not anymore.  Somewhere in my soul I found this bold, risk taking piece of me that has been starving for attention, and I have set out to open my own practice.  So here I am writing my first blog EVER about the process of becoming a Business Woman, or to be honest I call myself Boss Bitch.  That may have came from a Parks and Rec episode...but went to find the episode on YouTube, Nicki Minaj came up.  I really don't listen to much rap.  Well ok more than country music. Ok fine I downloaded her song-for my workouts! Don't judge.

Anyway, there were some ways I came to the decision to take my career to the next level. I like lists, so I will present these tools in bullets.

• Self-Awareness.  I reflected on the immediate emotions of planning the potential.  I then reflected on the emotions of remaining in the routine that I have accepted.  Planning brought on many emotions: excitement, fear, not-knowing, doubt, hope, Boss Bitch. Routine awareness brought on some emotions, too: disappointment, desire for more, helplessness, frustration. Now I try not to make decisions based entirely on emotion (anymore, ha!), so logic and reason were injected in to the equation.
• Cost/Benefit.  Without sharing too much and boring you, I went over what could be and what needs to be.  It was a risk, but may have valuable and invaluable output.  
• Work. Do the research and put in the work.  Things do not get done dreaming about doing things.  Make a list.  Get after it.
• Guided Imagery. The first time this worked for me was when I was visualizing how I was going to play as a setter in a junior high volleyball tournament.  I'm 5'5" with a 12" vertical. Setter. It had amazing affects, and I have taught it to undergraduate students preparing for their public speeches.  I use it often.  Here is a video that helps with the beginner.  I chose this one for the accent. Make the time!
• Positive Self-Talk/Affirmation.  You may roll your eyes at this one, but as a marathoner and triathlete, I have earned many-a-medal only because I have chanted supportive things to myself, and BELIEVED it. "Get it!" "Move it" "You got this!" "You've passed how many people?" "This is what you trained for!" "On your left!". The last one is one spoken out loud.  But what an encouraging feeling.

Try it .  But now that I have procrastinated by writing a blog, I need to work on dissertation edits. Wish me luck and lots of positive self talk!

HKM